My life is one of extremes. In my line of work, seasonal manual labor, we have a saying: Everything is feast or famine. I bounce between having absolutely nothing to do for days, or even weeks, and being so completely busy that I can't even finish my studies. This last week we had the "Storm of the Century," also called, "Snowmageddon" or "Snowpacalypse." What that means for me, being on the snow crew, is I had no work for several weeks, and I wondered how I was going to pay my bills, and suddenly when the snow came I was working 16 to 20 hours a day. Last week I had to stay at my sister's house so I could go to work. (she lives in Warrensburg, where my work is, I live 30 mins south on bad roads my car can't drive when we have much snow) I didn't get to sleep in my own bed for 6 days, read my own books, or anything else of my own. During that week, I also had school, which I skipped to work... which is now a major problem, because I've been working so much that I haven't read or studied everything I need to. I'm behind... again... something I absolutely hate! I just can't seem to win, I either have nothing to do at all, and I spend my time alone, studying, but also trying to fill the hours with anything worthwhile... which usually consists of trying to chat with my friends from overseas, or I have so much to do that I have no time. When I have no time, something has to give way to something else... and usually that something is sleep. When I'm so busy I get about 3 or 4 hours of sleep per day. If I get of work early, like 12 hours of work a day, then I have to use my extra time to study... if I'm not falling asleep. I'm not afraid of hard work, but there are things I just can't do. I can't work so hard and actually learn anything for school. Tonight, I'm too tired to read the philosophy passages I'm supposed to. Instead, I studied for my Imperial Spain geography test... and I'm not even sure I'll pass the test... but I'm too tired to study anymore or learn anything more.
I guess I'm really just frustrated that my life is so unbalanced and unpredictable. I have responsibilities to work, but also to my professors and myself at school. There's only so much of me to go around, I can't really be divided any more.
There are so many things I want to write about, like my favorite songs and how it was bogus of me to list so many. 1 or 2 are the only songs that should count as favorite. I also want to write about grey worlds and fairytales, how the objective world exists without us humans, and how the fairytales we create and the colors we paint on everything through our perspectives are the only real joys in life. And there are many other things besides these... but I haven't the time... so they must wait, and I only hope I don't forget.
Bis dann, Tschüß
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