I wonder... it is my nature....
I wonder about many things. Sometimes it seems the possibilities that stretch out before me are too many, that I can't keep track of them all. I always have this feeling that there is a reset button somewhere; that sometime, when I want or need it bad enough, I will be able to push it and get a "do-over." I know somewhere in my mind that such a thing is not possible or true, but I can't shake the feeling that the button is there, waiting for when I will need it.
Maybe it's because it's still just me. I don't have a family of my own, I don't have a significant other or kids. I don't have a professional job, and I haven't accomplished the things that I thought I should have accomplished before I became a "Man." It's still just me and my thoughts, floating. No roots, no benchmarks of achievement to tie me down... I'm still waiting for my life to start.
I've been preparing, always preparing... waiting for my chance to accomplish something worthwhile. I've been cautious, always thought through my decisions, always tried to act rationally and in my best interest. I wish I could blame Asperger's Syndrome, or my nerdy tendencies for my shortcomings, but they would be excuses, while the fault is my own. I've avoided the pitfalls of wanton living. My biggest failing has been inaction. It seems like most of my friends have grown up by mistake. They bit off more than they could chew, and ended up with marriages, children, families, houses, divorces, and everything else that signifies adulthood and the real world. I have none of those trappings, but I have none of those signifiers either. I'm a 29 year old boy.
