The Jason Rules

There seems to be a list of rules my life follows. They're not rules I've been taught, but they are rules I've learned that seem to apply to my life.

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1.) Jason can't win.
2.) Jason can't win.
3.) I refuse to be manipulated.
4.) I refuse to be ignored.
5.) I am not allowed what I want.
6.) It is not my lot in life to be happy.

There are 2 or 3 others that I can't remember right now. I gave up the rules many years ago, but when I'm disappointed I always start to remember them. It is things like these that make me believe in God sometimes, because nothing is easy, and too many bad things happen, or rather it's so impossible for good and happy things to happen, that it is not just chance, it's a test, a trial. It's up to me to overcome the obstacles in my way. And, conversely, if there isn't a God, and these things are just what happens in life, then it means that nothing in life matters, and I can do what I want. I don't have to be nice and good all the time because it's the right thing to do, I can be me and get what I think I want without worrying about how I get those things.

I've been torn for a long time between believing in Fate/Destiny and believing in complete free will. I believe in free will, but I keep looking for signs of destiny. Every time I think I find signs of destiny, when things are going good, they are abruptly taken from me. I begin to think there is no such thing. People like to say, like to tell me, that everything happens for a reason. This is true, but the reason for something is not "because that's how it's supposed to be." If you get your hand cut off, it was cut off because there was a sharp blade that contacted your arm, your arm was somewhere it shouldn't have been; the reason is not because you're supposed to learn how to live without a hand, that you will now be a better person.

So, the secret to life is that there is no secret. What you see is what you get. The world is a playing board and you choose which pieces and which game to play; checkers, chess, Christianity, Atheism, Islam, and so on. We make up or accept rules for games, intricate rules, and when we move the pieces, when something happens, we look at the rules and think it's amazing that there is such order to the world. There isn't, at least, not nearly as much order and destiny as most of us like to think. The world is too open ended, there are too many things in it to be able to understand everything, and so the world is what we make it; we pick our favorite corner of the fishbowl and decide to live in it. There are too many pieces, or too many notes. Even though there are only a certain number of musical notes, there is no limit to the songs that can be created, and there is no limit to the types of lives we can live. And if God is there watching it all, watching us live our lives according to our Free Will, then that's exactly what we're supposed to do. So, if there is no God, we live our lives as we see fit; and if there is, then it's the same answer. Making a correct decision is worth twice as much if you have the ability to make the incorrect decision as well. (There will always be a right or wrong, humans depend on it. Right or wrong in the eyes of God or in the eyes of Man. )

Happiness? Well, there are the occasional things that make one happy, but they are wily and ephemeral, one must hold fast to them or they will flit forever away..