Our feelings don't believe in each other

I've written on this subject before, but it always returns to me. When we feel a certain way, any kind of emotion, we can't really imagine feeling any other way than the way we currently feel, I think even to the point where knowing you will once again feel happy, or sad, or anything different from how you currently feel becomes only an outline of the emotion. You know you will be happy again, or sad, and that it will feel good, or heartbreaking, but to actually comprehend the feeling? I don't believe it is possible.

But to my point, not many posts ago I said a lot about what I was, how I was not a good person, how I was an angry person capable of terrible things. That is as untrue now as it was true then. I'm not a different person, not really, but my emotions are different. Perhaps who you are depends on what emotions you are feeling... and what you are capable of, your extremes of both good and bad, is just the potential of who you could be. And perhaps who you are is really the mean (frequency average) of the things you do/the emotions you are most normally at/the potential ways of acting which you most frequenty fulfill?

I've had a good month, and life has been good to live again. I'm happy. And I find it strange that I was so sure I was this person with evil potential, though now I can hardly imagine it. And of course it's simply solved, everyone always says people are capable of the most amazing and terrible things both. What I am trying to understand is nothing new... but there is a difference between knowing the truth and understanding it. I've known the truth for a long while... but I'm only now understanding it. That is why I bore you, dear reader, with telling you things you already know.


Also, I'm at a strange point in my life. I don't really have life questions anymore. Sure, there are things I don't know, but I'm not trying to figure my life out, I'm not trying to figure out who I am... I have old adages aplenty for every situation it seems. And I know how to be myself finally, it's something I can feel now, though always before it was something for which I searched. Now, I try to understand the truths that I've learned. Hmmm, maybe I am being very unclear? Think of an experiment. You do it over and over, and always get the same result... so you learn "If this .../then this" and you know the truth of it. But, understanding why this result happens... that's something completely different. I know the truth of a lot of things in my life, but now instead of searching for the truth, I'm searching for understanding. Hmmm, does that make sense?