It's occurred to me that I tend only to write in my blog when I'm trying to figure something out. If I already figure it out by the time I'm ready, or around a computer, to write, then I never actually write it down, because at that point the answer seems painfully obvious and pointless to write. And I'm sure that sometimes I'm just writing it down to try to convince myself that the conclusion I've come to is the correct one. In any case, here goes....
For some time now I've been wanting to write about seduction, and not in the sexual sense, although that's certainly part of it, I mean seduction of thought, when that thing you hate becomes an acquired taste and eventually something you can't do without. But that's a tale for another time. Another thing I've been wanting to write about is my biography. I'm now in a strange place, that is, a place mentally where I'm finally comfortable with myself. I'm sure this is one of those cryptic statements where anyone uncomfortable with themselves is disinterested, or worried I'm going to become preachy, and they're going to disagree because every human life is a different situation with a different solution; and anyone who is already or has been comfortable with themselves is even more disinterested in my nonsensical drivel. However, this is for me, and I wish to try to connect the dots along the path of my life since my current state is to me quite a surprise, and I wonder if looking at the path my life has taken thus far will make it more obvious. Again, another time. I'm just mentioning these now so that I don't forget them later.
Now, the subject matter at hand.
Finding the perfect girl (or guy for that matter, but this is my blog, we're going with girl) is a paradox in two ways (ultimately, it's untrue because no one is perfect, but there are some who come closer than others). There are two directions finding the perfect girl can go, given of course you've had the cojones to talk to the girl/ask her out (and assuming you've dodged all of the other false positives). The first direction, is into the ground. You will find out that she is, in fact, not perfect. But this is the best of the two directions, because it means you've had the time to spend with her, and, optimistically, along this path and direction you've discovered that it doesn't matter that she's not perfect, you've become attached and can no longer think of a more perfect person, despite all of the faults you've learned the girl has. Even if it doesn't work out, hey, you've learned the girl wasn't perfect, at least you now know, and the issue is settled for you. The second direction, is nowhere. This is when your time together is brief and fleeting. This is the lovesick puppy syndrome, where you're memory of the girl is the only thing you have to go on. Try as you might to keep the memory in context, and pure, the more you think about it, the more you rewrite the experience, turning it into something it was not. This is how shrines are made, the person is sealed away in your mind, your memory, and ferments there, forevermore preserved in a state of perfection. Writers call it "a Muse," or "the Muse." This is where she, the person, fades away until she's only a shade or ghost of what she really is, and you've fallen in love with an image, filling in all the missing parts of the person with what you wish she was, until she becomes the embodiment of everything you want, and only a shell of what she is. This is sort of like the Shmoo. Once at this point, how can you give up the perfection you've created? Logic tells you to, but emotions are what always win out. Time is the only cure I've found, and it's not 100% effective; eventually, hopefully, you meet another person, or the emotions are stretched so thin by separation that they cease to flow.
Fear of the first direction has stopped me before, but I've been down the path of the second direction too, and it's worse, like a drug addiction you can't escape. Falling quickly in love, the love inevitably burns out just as quickly; anything worth having is worth the time and patience required to make it so. You should fall in love slowly, letting the heat build so that it warms and stays ingrained inside you, the way fire stones hold heat. Anything else is a flashfire that will burn itself out all too soon.
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